“It’s more socially acceptable to be our own greatest critic than it is to be our own cheerleader.”

We all have a period in lives where our confidence is tested and shaken to its core. Losing a job, dealing with a business setback, or going through a breakup — these are all moments that can leave us questioning ourselves, our abilities, and sometimes, even our worth.

I once met a fellow newcomer to Manitoba at a job fair. A top sales manager in his home country, he’d been in Canada for almost a year but was still looking for a job in his field. As he shared his frustrations, I could tell he was starting to question his decision to move, feeling his skills were less valuable than he’d once believed. I reminded him that the job market was challenging and that networking might be key, but my words seemed hollow. It was clear he’d heard this before, and I could feel his struggle. Many of us find ourselves in similar situations, struggling with the thought that we’re somehow “less than” or “not enough” in a new environment.

If you’re facing a crisis of confidence, you’re not alone. It’s normal to go through it. What’s harmful is wallowing in the negativity and allowing that feeling to grow. Here are a few steps to help you reclaim your self-esteem and move forward.

1. Break the cycle

   Our own minds can work against us. Have you heard of “negativity bias”? This is a built-in feature in our brains that makes us focus more on negative information than positive. This bias has evolutionary roots; it helped our ancestors survive, as they needed to be on high alert for threats. Today, however, it often leads us to focus on what’s going wrong, creating a skewed view of reality and increasing our sensitivity to setbacks. This is why, in hard times, we tend to believe the worst.

   How do you break this cycle of negativity? Here are a few steps:

   1. Recognize your patterns – Start by noticing the situations that trigger your negative thoughts. Are you prone to “all-or-nothing” thinking? Or maybe you dwell on the worst-case scenario? Identifying these patterns helps you become aware of your thought habits.
   2. Slow it down– Observe your thoughts without judgment. Just notice when they drift towards the negative.
   3. Challenge the negative – Ask yourself, “Is there another way to interpret this?” For example, not getting the job does not automatically mean that your skills are not up to par. There are so many factors that go into a company’s hiring decision, many times, it’s not about you. You may realize that your negative thoughts don’t reflect reality, just your current perception.
   4. Seek a new perspective – It’s hard for us to recognize our own biases. Talking to someone, like a mentor or friend, can help you see these blind spots. Getting an objective take can make you realize that your situation isn’t as bad as you think. It can also help you get the right boost to rise above your situation.

   Try to view your challenge for what it truly is — a temporary bump in the road. Remember that growth often comes from navigating challenges, and each hardship is a chance to learn.

2. Review achievements and triumphs

   When you’re feeling low, it’s easy to overlook everything you’ve accomplished. When you focus on past achievements, you shift attention from what’s going wrong to what’s gone right. This shift can help balance your perspective, giving you a more realistic view of your abilities.

   Ask yourself:

   • What have I accomplished? Make a list of your successes, big and small. Looking back at these achievements can help remind you of your capabilities and resilience.
   • What are my strengths? Identify skills or qualities that helped you succeed in the past. Keep adding to your list! Every day is an opportunity to improve, learn, and grow.

   Taking a few moments each day to acknowledge small wins can help you overcome negative thinking.

3. Go back to your goals

   Reviewing your goals can reignite that initial spark of excitement and motivation you felt when you first set them. Reflect on what drew you to these goals in the first place.

   Use this moment as an opportunity to revise and strengthen your goals. Now, you have the benefit of hindsight – you can incorporate the lessons you learned from setbacks to create achievable, realistic plans. Adjusting your goals doesn’t mean giving up on them; it means adapting and moving forward with more clarity and purpose.

Pressure can be a privilege

Times of struggle are often opportunities to grow. Choosing how you respond in these moments can make the difference. When you face self-doubt, remember that overcoming challenges isn’t about avoiding them but learning from them. With each step forward, you are building a stronger, wiser version of yourself.
 
Sources: Overcoming a confidence crisis, Dr. Salam Slim Saad, Wide Impact; How to deal with a crisis of confidence and come back stronger than ever, Bet@bethdeyo.com; and How to deal with a professional crisis of confidence, Jimdo. Accessed November 22, 2024.