Here’s an important topic in your EAL/ESL studies: Gender-neutral pronouns.

To refresh your memory, pronouns are used in place of a name. At school, we have been taught that when referring to people in the third person, we use gender-specific personal pronouns – feminine (she/her/hers) and masculine (he/him/his). For example, John is happy. He is happy. /It’s Angelina’s birthday. It’s her birthday.

However, there are instances when we don’t know if the person we’re referring to is male or female. For example, if you haven’t met Billie, Jay, or Bailey, you don’t really know what pronouns to use when referring to them (besides their name). Also, in recent times, sharing preferred pronouns has become a common practice. The preference is usually tied to how a person identifies and may not coincide with gender assumptions.

This is why learning about gender-neutral pronouns is important.

What are gender-neutral pronouns?

You may be already familiar with gender-neutral pronouns like “they,” “their,” and “them.” These pronouns have been used for a long time. Recently, with issues on lgbtq and gender diversity coming into the picture, their use in the singular form has come to be accepted (especially when the subject has indicated their preference for they/them pronouns). For example:

Dave was in the meeting today and they seemed excited. It has something to do with their new proposal. Let them tell you all about it when you meet!

Aside from they/them/their, a new range of gender-neutral pronouns have been introduced to encompass gender diverse and expansive identities. These are appropriate for those who do not identify on a binary scale (not male or female exclusively). This is why they are also called gender-inclusive pronouns.

Using gender-neutral pronouns shows that we are open to the possibility that there may be transgender or gender non-conforming individuals in the group. We welcome their presence, and we recognize their choice of pronoun. It’s a way to avoid misgendering a person and it is a sign of respect.

Why do we need to use them?

Canada is known to be an inclusive society that celebrates diversity in all its forms. Gender diversity is all about providing recognition, respect, and equal opportunity for all, regardless of gender or gender identity.

Using gender-neutral pronouns whenever appropriate is a basic yet essential element in this effort. It shows that we recognize gender non-conforming individuals’ need to be validated for who they are. In short, “it is a matter of mutual respect and basic courtesy” (Why pronouns matter, Human Rights Campaign Foundation).

If somebody at work, school or in your social circles makes it known that they prefer specific pronouns used when referring to them, listen and take note. It is a small way to encourage inclusivity in your immediate environment.

(To know more about human rights and gender identity, read Spotlight on gender diversity. What does it have to do with you? )

How do I know which pronoun to use?

The easy answer is: Use the one which the person prefers. Nowadays, you will see people indicating their preferred pronouns when you look them up online or check their business cards. If it’s not indicated, it’s ok to ask.

You cannot tell a person’s pronoun just by looking at them, so as much as possible, don’t assume. But if you make a mistake and misgender someone, apologize and move on. Use their name or remember to use their correct pronouns in succeeding communications. It can be confusing at times, but it does not mean that you are a bad person. We are all trying to understand, learn and evolve.

Here’s a helpful video on gender identity and pronouns from Learning Mavericks:

Gender & Pronouns | Gender Pronouns Explained | Gender Identity

 
With thanks to Jared Star, Sexuality and Reproductive Health facilitator of Sexuality Education Resource Centre (SERC) MB, for reviewing this article.

 
Sources: Sexuality Education Resource Centre (SERC) MB; Everything you needed to know about gender-neutral pronouns, Jacob Tobia, Motto; Gender pronouns, University of Wisconsin Milwaukee LGBT Resource Center; History of gender inclusive pronouns, University of Wisconsin Milwaukee LGBT Resource Center; and Talking about pronouns in the workplace, Human Rights Campaign Foundation.